10

Speaking

Question:

The Buddha' s sermon is over 2500 years old. Given below are two recent texts on the topic of grief. Read the texts, comparing them with each other and with the Buddha's sermon. Do you think the Buddha's ideas and way of teaching continue to hold meaning for us? Or have we found better ways to deal with grief? Discuss this in groups or in class.

I.A Guide to Coping with the Death of a Loved One

Martha is having difficulty sleeping lately and no longer enjoys doing things with her friends. Martha lost her husband of 26 years to cancer a month ago.

Anya,    age 17,  doesn't  feel  like eating  and    spends  the       days      in    her  room     crying. Her grandmother recently died.

Both of these individuals are experiencing grief. Grief is an emotion natural to all types of loss or significant change.

Feelings of Grief

Although grief is unique and personal, a broad range of feelings and behaviors are commonly experienced after the death of a loved one.

•      Sadness. This is the most common, and it is not necessarily manifested by crying.

•      Anger. This is one of the most confusing feelings for a survivor. There may be frustration at not being able to prevent the death, and a sense of not being able to exist without the loved one.

•      Guilt and Self-reproach. People may believe that they were not kind enough or caring enough to

the person who died, or that the person should have seen the doctor sooner.

• Anxiety. An individual may fear that she/he won't be able to care for herself/himself.

•      Loneliness. There are rem inders throughout the day that a partner, family member or friend is gone. For example, meals are no longer prepared the same way, phone calls to share a special moment don't happen.

•      Fatigue .There is an overall sense of feeling tired.

•      Disbelief      This occurs particularly if it was a sudden death. Helping Others Who Are Experiencing Grief

When  a friend, loved  one, or co-worker      is  experiencing  grief-how  can  we  help?  It helps to understand that grief is expressed through a variety of behaviors.

Reach out to others in their grief, but understand that some may not want to accept h elp and will not share their grief. Others will want to talk about their thoughts and feelings or reminisce.

Be patient and let the grieving person know that you care and are there to support him orher.

II. Good Grief AMITAI ETZION I

Soon after my wife died -her car slid off an icy road in 1985 -a school psychologist warned me that my children and I were not mourning in the right way. We felt angry; the proper first stage, he said, is denial.

In late August this year, my 38-year-old son, Michael, died suddenly in his sleep, leaving behind a 2-year-old son and a wife expecting their next child.

There is no set form for grief, and no 'right' way to express it. There seems to be an expectation that, after a great loss, we will progress systematically through the well-known stages of grief. It is wrong,we are told, to jump to anger -or to wallow too long in this stage before moving towards acceptance.

But I was, and am, angry. To make parents bury their children is wrong; to have both my wife and son taken from me, for forever and a day, is cruel beyond words.

A relative from Jerusalem, wh o is a psychiatrist, brought some solace by citing the maxim: 'We are not to ask why, but what.' The 'what' is that which survivors in grief are bound to do for one another. Following that advice, my family, close friends and I keep busy, calling each other and giving long Answers to simple Questions like, "How did your day go today ?"We try to avoid thinking about either the immediate past or the bereft future. We take turns playing with Max, Michael' stwo­ year-old son. Friends spend nights with the young widow, and will be among those holding her hand when the baby is born.

Focusing on what we do for one another is the only consolatio n we can find.

Answer:

It is an activity, so do yourself.

Writing

Question:

Write a page (about three paragraphs) on one of the following topics. You can think about the ideas in the text that are relevant to these topics, and add your own ideas and experiences to them.

1.    Teaching someone to understand a new or difficult idea

2.    Helping each other to get over difficult times

3.    Thinking about oneself as unique, or as one among billions of others

Answer:

Helping each other to get over difficult times

Being a social and civilised animal, man experiences both troubles and happiness during his life span. At every step there are tension, trouble, difficulties, sorrow and sadness. One can never free himself from these behavioural feelings as these are occurring at every moment.

In the present lesson Gotami is deeply shocked with the death of her only son. She goes from door to door for medicine but to no relief. At the advice of a man, she seeks the Buddha' s advice. He asks her to bring the mustard seeds from house of a man where none has died . But she finds none. She turns back tired and despaired.

In the way she experiences the lights of the city both flickering and extinguish ing. Ultimately wisdom enters her and she realises the fate of men. She understands that all are like the lights. Death is common to all. Thus through advice, talks, conversation, sermons or with other kinds of sympathy, we can help other in getting over their times.